ID photos should look stupid.

The Constitution of the United States of America states: any type of identification picture of oneself should not be a photogenic picture of oneself. (Hey, if Fox News-watchers can make up passages from the Constitution, so can I.)

In this one, I was aiming for the look that says, “Now, missy, you hurry up and snap that picture so you can put me in your government-files and take away even more of the God-given freedoms that Jesus granted to America.”

Man.

I wish I still had a copy of the driver’s license that preceded the second picture down. (Yeah, the pic where I look like somebody who would hang out with Jeffrey Dahmer or something.)

I remember the day I got that new license.

What a crappy and overcast day. Would have been in 2002, I believe.

I didn’t shower and wore a wool hat to the DMV. Also, I was overdue for a haircut but decided that I needed to get the new ID done first.

(I’ve had this policy in place for a long time.)

After taking the eye test and standing on the line in front of the DMV’s camera, I removed my hat.

The DMV lady operating the camera sneered at me as she asked, “Would you like to comb your hair?”

Yeah…I don’t look creepy at all in this photo. Not one bit.

I said no.

Man. I wish I had that photo to add to this collage/blog testament to my idiocy.

Oh well.

Just picture me with a goatee and longer hair sticking up and to the sides and a dumb look on my face.

My passport photo, I look lame in that as well. Maybe I’ll scan it in and add to this post.

Then again, maybe I won’t.

The second pic, I also have it on my FB page. And you know what has happened one-too-many times? I’m arguing with a bro and they spy my page, then take this photo and post it on whatever thread it is where our argument is unfolding.

And bro posts the pic as if bro has made the discovery of a lifetime. I imagine that bro mouths the words “Checkmate, lib…” as bro posts it.

Work with me here: this photo happens to be in my collection of photos — in other words…I’m the one who posted it — and bros act like they’re the investigative reporter revealing the big scoop.

Gollygeewillkers, how I do love this photo. I loved that part-time job, which came into my life because of the Great Recession. When this pic got taken, I still believed that the recession was a natural act and not a creation of the 1% to drive down stock prices and beef up their portfolios.

Bros: I’m the guy who posted the pic.

Bros do this next: they tell their other bros to chime in and the bro-team forms and comments that my pic is not a cool pic. The bro-gang is adamant that none of the bros in their bro-crew would ever hang out with me. The bro-posse is emphatic about my uncoolness.

White privilege: a funny thing to observe when you are a white dude but want nothing to do with that bullshit.

Authoritarianism also seems interesting after one distances from the dominant paradigm.

Privileged authoritarians do not confront. They do not counter-argue. They do not refute my points.

Instead, they tell me that I’m not cool.

They imply that the next time a bunch of the fellers don their red #MAGA ball caps and go out to sexually harass the servers at their local watering hole, I won’t be invited unless I change my tune ASAP.

Billionaires took everything else from these guys but allowed them to hang on to their coolness. And bros will let billionaires grab their wives and girlfriends by their pussies as a way of saying thank you.

Threats of being ostracized are precious when you’re no longer in the tribe.

***

I don’t just post blog pieces with stupid pictures of myself. I blog about other things, too. I write fiction as well. Preview Revolutionizer Alpha. Then buy it. Buy as many copies as you can afford. Tell everyone you know to buy as many as they can afford as well. Capitalism, bitches. Capitalism.

The Revolutionizer Stories. We are not alone.

I also blog at chrismaley.com.