Make America Porky’s Again.
Part 4: This ’80s teen sex romp can help explain why a majority of white men and women voted for Donald Trump and JD Vance.
Pete Hegseth and Matt Gaetz were so great in the movie Porky’s. Now they’re headed to Washington to serve as Secretary of Defense and Attorney General. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?
(Sarcasm gets me through it sometimes.)
I haven’t been inspired to write an article under this theme for a few years. But…an election happened and observations of the aftermath brought the concept back to the front of my mind. If this is fascism, it feels like a sophomoric, horn-dog power trip of white supremacist proportions. But unlike the film, people are going to suffer. Porky’s meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
To give you some perspective, I wrote the first, America is under siege from the guys in Porky’s., in 2013, long before the possibility of Donald Trump becoming our president (the first time) existed in my mind. Here’s what I say about it in Part 2:
“When it comes to the original Porky’s post, do you know what weirds me out the most? I wrote it in October of 2013.
Everything that inspired these thoughts — the guy who wrote them down had zero clue that Donald Trump would be elected president three years and one month after this piece posts. I wrote it thinking about the men who couldn’t handle a black man as their president. My 2013 self could not fathom that the guy from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous would replace the black man as president.
Wait. It’s more like this: say you went back in time to the fall of 2013 and found me sitting somewhere, hanging out. Say you walked up and said, ‘Hey Chris, guess what? Donald Trump is going to be elected President of the United States of America.’
In the seconds afterward, my growing laughter would be mixing in with the erupting laughter coming from the people around me who overheard you utter this crazy-talk. The group of us would have then given you sarcastic nods and made the puffing-on-the-joint gesture with our index fingers and thumbs before asking you to leave the premises and spout your nuthouse mumbo-jumbo somewhere else.
And here we are today.”
Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. broke White America, not Don.
Don pulled the rich-white-man end-around maneuver and capitalized on the mental breakdowns. Jack Daniels and Nearis Green. Chuck Berry and Elvis. Obama and Don. That’s how it works in the United States of America.
That is the Make America Great Again vibe. Instead of a 1950s’ USA where there was a strong (though admittedly very white) middle class and a wealthy class that paid much more in taxes, imagine racism and woman-hate. A time when everyone knew their place instead of a time where there was a stronger social safety net, reasonable rent, and affordable education.
As I look around and think about moving forward, modern spins on the traditional stories only get more syphilitic and desperate, like the AI thingies need tune-ups or something. Leave It To Beaver, only Eddie Haskell is the hero. Carter Burke is the leading man in Aliens and Ellen Ripley is the childless cat lady. Back to the Future,but we’re told to root for Biff Tannen and make fun of Marty McFly because he’s short.
Speaking of short guys…
Returning to Porky’s universe, the Pee-Wee character in this real-life spin on the fictional tale is an ex-KGB officer. He lives in Moscow and stands roughly a foot shorter than the majority of the other fellas like Don, Elon, RFK Jr., and JD.
And he isn’t the butt of their jokes.
It’s the other way around.
Part I. II. III. of this series.
Also posted on my site. Some earlier posts:
• Jonas Salk. What a pussy.
• The USA will so rock at fascism. Trust me. I wrote four books.
• New conspiracy theory: there is also a poo tape.
* Elon Musk, our new Osama bin Laden.
• Making the world safe for kakistocracy.
• A thank you, from me to Rush Limbaugh.
• Intersection of Memory Lane and Flashback Avenue.
I also write fiction. I have two dark comedies available, Fearkiller (Volume 1) and Notes from Trillionaire Island: Fearkiller (Volume 2), as well as Revolutionizer Alpha, the first book in a sci-fi series. I also wrote a story about God. It was weird, but then I decided to make the story and its sequel free. And all of the sudden, it didn’t seem as weird. Writing about God is much less weird when you write about God without charging money for it.
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